To hell with the long-form census

I can't dig up my original 1996 Sun column wherein I announced my refusal to complete the long-form census that year -- the online archives I can find don't go back that far. But I'm sure I made the same points I make in today's Sun newspapers about the nosy parkers trying to find out all sorts of irrelevant details about the lives of others.

I was never charged with an offence under the Statistics Act, though I had a first-rate lawyer lined up to defend me pro bono if that happened. Instead, I was just pestered by a cascade of increasingly senior census takers who just didn't understand why I didn't want to tell them my race and ethnicity. (One was quite funny, without trying to be; she thought the problem was I didn't want to physically fill out the form, so she offered to write my answers for me. Nope, illiteracy wasn't my problem.)

In the end they let me go. I wonder if I would have been convicted if they did charge me -- probably. I don't know if I'd take such a stand again today, or if I would do what tens of thousands of other Canadians do: like jamming the system by telling the government they're not black or white or Jewish or Somali. They're jedi knights. (Congrats to the Western Standard team for the great website idea and quick execution.)

Here's my Sun column:

So long, long form

The next census comes around in 2011, and the federal government just announced the long form of the census will be voluntary, instead of mandatory, for randomly selected Canadians chosen for the extra work.

As someone who received the long-form census in 1996 — and refused to complete it — let me tell you why this is a good thing.

The regular census is short. It asks who lives in your house and some questions about how everyone is related to each other. It also asks about language use — information that fuels Canada’s bilingualism policy. That’s about it.

But the long-form census feels like it was written by the biggest gossips in the country. The 2011 version hasn’t been released yet, but the 1996 one can still be seen online.

Some of it is the basic stuff. But how about this: Question 7 demanded everyone in your home describe any physical or mental-health condition, and what limits that places on your school, work or home life.

Sorry, that’s just none of the government’s business. It’s supposed to be a census, not a peek through a family’s medicine cabinet.

This so-called census also asked Canadians to tell the government who did what chores and errands in the house — which parent helped the kids with homework; which parent drove them to sports; who did the shopping; who talked “with teens about their problems.”

And a helpful bureaucrat would be right there to write it all down.

That’s not what really bothered me, though.

Question 19 demanded Canadians define themselves according to ethnicity.

And “Canadian” wasn’t an option.

The census gave a list of different alternatives including some colours (white and black) and a continent (Latin American). What would U.S. President Barack Obama, whose mom was white, choose — both white and black? Why weren’t brown or red or yellow allowable colours?

What on earth does “Latin American” mean as an ethnicity? Latin Americans come in every race and ethnicity — black, Aboriginal, white or, like Alberto Fujimori, the former president of Peru, Japanese. And why was Latin America a choice, but not North America?

Stranger still, black was actually explained not by colour but by country. It included African, which would include white South Africans.

But Arab/West Asian was another choice, even though the examples included Egyptian and Moroccan (which are in Africa, not Asia) and Iranian, which is a country that is overwhelmingly Persian in ethnicity — not Arab.

Some ethnically homogenous countries were listed (Filipino, Korean, Japanese, Chinese) but many others weren’t.

The choices just made no sense.

And then there was the answer marked “other”.

In another question, the census asked your “cultural group.” It listed only one religion (Jewish), and several countries. Is Jewish a country?

Given that “etc.” was also listed, it’s not surprising that in a recent census, 21,000 Canadians described themselves as Star Wars Jedi Knights.

What are these bizarre questions and answers about? The census form was perfectly frank: It stated it was for government programs that use racial quotas — also called affirmative action. As Canadians, we like to think we’re equal before the law. But Statistics Canada collects this information to treat us unequally.

Let the nosy bureaucrats pound sand: Scrapping the mandatory long-form census is a small victory against big government.